What does that mean? I will give the copy writer a little benefit-of-the-doubt -- they at least understand that a major issue people have with financial institutions is trust, and being valued. The problem is that this says absolutely nothing about how they plan to establish that trust or "commitment." There is no action to take here. There is no proof of their claim. It would be like having a slogan that says "We are good" and leaving it at that without an explanation of why. Note that they don't even tell you what they do here -- the only thing that establishes any sense of financials is that the two guys in the generic stock photo are in suits. But they could be lawyers, politicians, who knows. And yet this is the largest piece of real estate on their website's home page. Who would be convinced of anything here?
I'll contrast this with a better example from a similar company:
This is a little better. I could still do without yet another generic stock photo, but I know that research shows people do respond to photos of other people, and at least the photo does roughly connote either retirement or saving for your child. But where this site gets it right is that it is establishing a bunch of things with its headline and copy very quickly. It tells you what the company does, how that can help you, how they accomplish that (including a product name), what it will mean for you, and then invites you to action. It's not just saying "we care about you." It's saying "we understand what your problem is and we are offering you this solution." Much more effective.
It's the old "show, don't tell" adage. It's a lesson too frequently forgotten.
2 comments:
Thanks Michael,
this is a great post. This type of copy kills me. As does the use of redundant stock photography... you're right about the value of it though, as it does work on some level.
Thanks Kasia! I would prefer that all photography be based around actual use of a product/service, but it does get people to at least give an initial look.
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